Potty Mouth...Warning; there is a little potty language in this post.

Side note, I tried to google a picture of a potty for this post, if you have my issues, do NOT ever do this! I will forever have those images in my brain!

I know you think I am referring to a few mildly inappropriate words that I might struggle with, but if you ask my kids I am overcoming this issue... No I am talking about my aversion to public restrooms, and how often my disdain for them comes up in conversation lately, mostly because I am going to NYC in a few weeks... But I have been reassured that there are many clean restrooms to use as we roam the City..

I think it all started with my Grandma Joy.. One of the many useful things she taught me, was how to light a match when ever you,... you know... Anyway, that is something that I have been doing ever since.. So now I don't even like to sit in the bathroom with myself, so it's a match, and IN and OUT as quickly as possible. I have never or will never understand people who spend long periods of time reading or doing crosswords in the potty room.. Go lock yourself in your closet with the cedar chips for solitude, it is a much more pleasant experience.

So I just haven't had the best luck with Potties... A few years ago our family went some good friends to Lake Powell, we stayed on their houseboat and between the 2 Families there were 9 children, it was great, but a little close quarters, so naturally I decided that I would only go PeePee(#1) on this trip, just to be polite to everyone...I could hold out for 4 days, I just wouldn't eat much. Well about night #2, I had to go #2, and Justin and Melyndas's room is near enough to the bathroom that I just couldn't do it. So the next morning I waited until everybody was busy and most of the kids were out playing in the water or on the wave runners. Justin was organizing the ski boat and everybody seemed occupied, so I slid quietly into the Bathroom, by this time my stomach was rolling and I was sick, and freaking out because even though I had brought matches, I was afraid to use them, I thought that with the gasses and such, I might blow up the boat or something, (because that is totally something that I would accidentally do.) So I am praying that I can get through this quickly, when all of the sudden , I hear, from above my head Alyssa say, or rather holler; "WHAT is THAT SMELL?"..I was dead silent, and i started sweating, & praying that she would just go away, she was walking right beside the little window which was open, and said; "DAD WHAT IS THAT SMELL, IT SMELLS LIKE SOMETHING DIED!". then she called to my daughter Stephanie, COME SMELL THIS", holy crap, I was dying, my hair was soaking wet from sweat at this point, I didn't dare flush, or move, or anything...In the mean time Justin told Alyssa to go do something else and he would come over and investigate when he got a minute, he was sure it was just the bathroom and nothing to worry about.. Luckily the girls lost interest and moved on, I was just about flush when someone, another child, on the other side of the door said EWW,I CAN SMELL IT TOO, WHAT IS THAT?...go away go away go away, I am silently begging, when I realize all of the are adults are now back on board & talking... when MY sweet, clueless Husband says; "WHERE IS WENDY?" ok after you have been married several years, aren't you supposed to have a 6th sense with your partner, and just know when they are in trouble??? If our roles had been reversed I immediately would have assumed that Loren was taking a dump, and I would have averted every ones attention away from the flippin Bathroom.. No not Loren, again; "HAS ANYONE SEEN WENDY?" This is when I totally lost it, and said to hell with it, I flushed the toilet, & everybody got quiet, and I yelled Yes it was me and my freakin smell I had to go! Sorry everyone, I am sorry! But I couldn't hold it anymore.. I was humiliated, once again.

This reminds me of another time when I was staying at my friend Vicki's Cabin in Deer Valley Utah, if you can call it a cabin it is a mansion, They are the Moguls of Swift Transportation, and it is beautiful, and yeah I had a potty incident.